We all have heard about Bridezillas by now. A chief complaint about them is the number of official wedding events at which these self-involved
women insist guests are supposed to dress up, show up, and bring an expensive
present. Topping this list for pure lack of necessity is the bridal shower.
A bridal shower is a holdover from a time when young women brought
the housewares to outfit the new living space provided by the new husband.
Girls used to have “hope chests,” in which they collected linens—often ones
they had sewed themselves—over many years to serve as the basis for comfort in their
new home. The last shower I went to that made any sense was held in a college
dorm basement. We gave the bride, a sophomore, lots of small practical items. Both
she and her husband-to-be were still living in dorms and needed everything to
set up housekeeping. They didn’t have a can opener, or a measuring cup, or any
number of modestly priced tools that are necessary for daily living and are not
specific to a particular taste. That’s what the bridal shower traditionally was
all about. Bridal shower gifts were mostly small, necessary stuff. Our little
gifts did genuinely help the couple get ready to set up housekeeping together.
The other traditional bridal shower gifts used to be intimate apparel, usually white, meant for
the wedding night and honeymoon.
Today, there simply is no need to give such gifts to a bride
who has already been living with her fiancé for years in a fully furnished
home, whether a condo or a house. Sure, you could buy her a deluxe mixer at
$349 and up, but she undoubtedly already has a hand mixer bought for under $30—if
she cooks at all, which has drastically fallen out of fashion. The
bride doesn’t need you to buy her a vacuum; she has settled on her own cleaning
tools--or cleaning service--long since. Forget an egg timer or some kitchen knives. And she sure
doesn’t need a white negligée for her virginal wedding night.
Done and done. So why are people still holding bridal
showers? To get big, expensive gifts many times over, and because it’s fun to
be the center of attention again and again. Today, brides often have three
showers, one held just for her closest friends, one hosted by a relative, and
the third given by a coworker. That’s a lot of gifts. Bridal showers even have
their own registries, too. The pressure on the shower guests, who often are
invited to multiple parties for the same bride, is intense. Worse, the guests attending
bridal showers report they are very boring. Even though there are new
traditions such as games and making the bride wear a bizarre hat with ribbons
on it from the presents, the bridal shower is just a party at which the bride
opens lots of presents. Watching someone else open presents wasn’t fun when you
were eight years old, and it’s not fun as an adult, either. The bridal shower should
be a good time for all, but it has now turned into a ritual without any meaning
beyond greed. Complaints about bridal
showers abound, and Internet searching “I Hate Bridal Showers” comes up with
218,000 results.
Why not stop this? Plan a party with some girlfriends that’s
really a party. Just one. The elderly aunts, the coworkers, and the sisters of
brothers-in-law can all come to the wedding, for which there will be many
gifts. Dump the shower in favor of an engagement party or a bachelorette party.
No one gives serious presents at the bachelorette party and there is a real possibility
of getting very drunk. It’s the event where the gag gifts and dirty jokes are
welcome. If there is a serious need to invite elderly relatives to some terribly
proper pre-wedding event that does not involve alcohol, male strippers, or
cruising gay bars (yes, really), hold a formal tea in a relative's home, and don’t drag every
girlfriend to it.
A bride hoping to have lots of fun with her friends before her wedding
day ought to ask herself just how much fun it is for her
friends to give her an extra present. Or three. It's quite possible to plan a fun get-together
that does not strain the budget of any friends, does not require them to bring expensive
presents, and does not drag on and on and require repeated overnights out of
town. Will brides give up their traditional “right” to a bridal shower? Some
already do. Others seem to be piling more and more on, until a wedding becomes
a series of events that can try the patience and the budget of even close
friends. And there’s still that hideous bridesmaid dress to wear at the actual
wedding.
